She Will Remain

She Will Remain

            The zero turns to a one and the clock now reads Tue 11:31 PM. A streetlamp flickers off and the street outside number 77 Confidence Way is temporarily enveloped in darkness. “1-2-3…” Avery Pearl counts the familiar three seconds softly under her breath. Seconds later, there’s a click and the soft orange glow of the lamp shines a circle of light on the sidewalk once again. “1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8…” The whispered numbers trail off into silence as the streetlamp flickers off and the street is again blanketed in velvety black. “1-2-,” The counting stops one second short, interrupted by a yawn. Avery has watched the streetlamp flicker so often, she knows the pattern by heart and finds comfort in its friendly flickering glow.

She forces her gaze away from the window and down onto the blank, untouched piece of binder paper sitting in front of her on the desk. She fidgets with her pencil, looking for the hundredth time at the Importance of Physics textbook lying open in her lap. Her stare glazes over. The words dance around the page staying just out of reach of comprehension, and the pictures seem to mock her with their pointless significance. She sighs hopelessly and closes the book with a snap. It ends up on the floor, tossed carelessly among the dozen-or-so crumpled balls of gray, eraser-smudged binder paper containing all her failed attempts at physics homework.

            Let’s try the Internet. The suggestion pops into Avery’s head the same as it does every night. You know that’s pointless. The usual counter to her defiant optimism speaks up, but Avery’s hands have already reached toward the top left corner of her desk where the thin, silver laptop lies idle.

Do you really think this will help? The question floats through her mind as she slides the computer toward her and opens the lid. You know you’re not good enough at physics to be able to get the answers by yourself. Just give up.

The computer turns on suddenly, illuminating Avery’s tired face in a cool, bluish glow. The Internet always fails to turn up results and yet, her heart gives a flutter of hope. Maybe this time will be different. She hesitates for only a second before typing in the password unlocking her home screen and clicking the little blue compass, watching sullenly as it bounces up and down enthusiastically. Once Safari has opened, Avery’s hands hover uncertainly over the keyboard waiting while she struggles to think of the right words to enter into the search window. However, words escape her. Evasive thoughts drift in and out of her head and Avery watches the six change to a seven. It’s 11:47 PM. Finally she types, “I hate physics,” slamming her finger angrily into the enter key. Tears of frustration and exhaustion well up in her eyes.

Why? Why is physics so hard? If only you were better… The tears slide slowly down Avery’s cheeks. Why aren’t you better!? Avery angrily wipes her eyes on the sleeve of her jacket. She knows the words are true. The answers are obvious. You’re just too… too… Avery struggles to think of the right word. A word containing all her fear and disappointment and hatred.

Call Grace. The idea enters Avery’s head quietly, pushing through the swirling fog of emotions. Avery reaches for her cellphone. Wait. Wait! You can’t bother someone this late at night! The desperate screams are distant. Avery turns on her phone and starts dialing the phone number. How can you do this to her!? The torrent of uncertainty becomes louder as Avery finishes dialing and holds the phone up to her ear. Stop, what are you thinking? It rings once, twice, three times. You’re going to make yourself appear stupid and then Grace will hate you for bothering her with such pointless questions.

There’s a click on the other end of the line and a pleasant, sleepy voice inquires, “Hello?”

Avery freezes. Even her thoughts remain silent as everything holds its breath- waiting. Suddenly, Avery yanks the phone away from her ear and jabs the end call button ferociously. There’s a beep and Avery’s phone goes dark. She breathes a small sigh of relief, however the breath barely leaves her lips before panic and fear regain control. Help me… please. Someone. Anyone.

But there’s no going back. You’ll get it. You don’t have a choice- you have to. The final lit-up window in the house next door goes dark, leaving Confidence Way cloaked in night.

            The clock now reads Tue 11:54 PM and Avery is asleep on top of her open laptop; the binder paper blank. The four changes to a five and the streetlamp flickers off. Avery stirs but doesn’t wake up. She will remain this way until her clock reads Wed 5:30 AM, at which time Avery will jolt awake to the blaring sound of her alarm, regain a sense of her surroundings, and frantically continue futile work on her physics homework until she sees the school bus drive past her window. She will be late to physics, as usual.